|added Sun October 24 2004 at 1:31 AM
|The late night chat is not with anybody in specific, but you, in general. It's been awhile since I've written, and part of me wants to catch everybody up as to what's going on lately. The other part of me doesn't feel like writing for that long, and I think that part will win. Especially since my keyboard seems to keep skipping letters this evening unless I hold the keyboard just right. Fortunately the "just right" position isn't awkward or anything... just means that I have to watch the monitor to make sure that what I'm typing gets written.
I'm not sure exactly why Coreen called and came over this evening. For the first hour and a half, I did the dishes and she worked on her biology homework. I get the feeling that she just wanted to get away from her house, which is fine by me. We watched part of "Big Fish" after I finished the dishes, but my DVD player died on me. We'll see if I can get it working again, but it looks like the great bargain I got when I bought it over the summer really fell through. The printer never worked right and I never got my money from staples, and the DVD player is a piece of junk. I guess I'll just have to live and learn.
I think she must just need a friend. She was quick to tell me a while back that she didn't want to "date" me and that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I'll be honest that I definitely wouldn't mind a girlfriend, but I think more than anything I need a friend, too. Someone that is as lonely as I am and just wants someone around sometimes.
Now, don't get me wrong. I would still be rather interested in being more than friends. She's cute, and fun to talk with. She's rather opinionated at times, but that's a good thing. And she's just fun to be with, I guess. I like how I can sit close to her watching the movie and just know that there's someone there. We're still very definitely getting to know each other, but somehow there is an implicit comfort with each other. Hopefully she doesn't get too upset with me when she reads this entry about her.
As you can tell by the timestamp, it's very late. I must be going to bed now, so that I can get up and be somewhat productive tomorrow. I didn't get anything at all done before 6 pm today (at which time I did the dishes), and I always feel *so* behind in everything. I honestly do often want to drop out of school, but I don't have anywhere else to go. All of my plans for the future revolve around getting a four-year degree and starting a career. I am staying at BYU (I probably didn't make that clear since I was talking about leaving), and I just hope that I won't completely fail. For now, I'll have to live it one day at a time, and for tonight, go to sleep.
|added Sun October 24 2004 at 7:10 PM
|I know that there's not very many Utahn's who read this, maybe that's why I'm willing to make such a standing invitation. The way I see it, if you care enough about me to read this, I probably would like to spend more time with you. So I state here and now that if anybody ever wants to come over for dinner, they are more than welcome. I'll give fair warning that the food I eat usually isn't very fancy. In fact, I probably don't eat very well at all.
Unfortunately, I do have to require that reservations be made in advance. I don't keep a very regular schedule (sometimes I'm home all day, other times I'm gone from 740 am to 1130 pm), so you'd have to call ahead and see if I'm home. Just call and say that you'd like to redeem the dinner offer from petiejoe.com.
What brought this on? Well, this specific time, it's because I invited Coreen and she wasn't able to come (apparently she was at church for long hours). At first I was worried that I'd scared her off, but she returned my call. She was calling from her cell phone, and it was really hard to understand what she was saying. I'm not exactly sure what she said at the end of the conversation, but it sounded something like an invitation to call her and talk whenever I needed to. Unfortunately, I'm not very good at calling people when I need to talk. You can ask my mom about that one...
The other reason why I'm not afraid to make such an invitation is because I know that if it ever gets used too much (not really possible, because I really would like company for dinner), it doesn't really cost very much to make twice the amount of spaghetti. I have *tons* of spaghetti that I bought at extremely low prices. Bring on the dinner guests.
Offer limitted to one free meal per customer per day. Sorry, this offer does not apply to delivery although I am willing to give a ride to and from the eating establishment (namely my house).
|added Sun October 24 2004 at 9:20 PM
|Me: Do I have to be?
Me: I spose so, eh?
Me: Never mind, I'm just rambling.
And for the most part, I was. But the rambling words via the instant messenger were inextricably tied to the rambling thoughts in my head.
The reason why I am is because I haven't figured out a way to not be. There are some things that I've found that, for a time, manage to accomplish this, but they all have one thing in common. Whether it be sleep, or Freecell, or anything else, the cover from reality is temporary. With anything, once it stops, I continue being.
I talk in vague generalities, because that's all that's been made concrete in my mind so far. At various times, with various people, I've managed to become (temporarily) more specific, but all these specifics can be summed up as the general concept of "being."
There's more to read. Read the extended entry.