|added Tue July 27 2004 at 8:38 PM
|You'd think I'd learn not to make trips to see people with the hope that they'll care. I guess I didn't learn my lesson by going to Canada to find somebody who cared to see me.
I've been lonely lately, so I decided to call up an old friend. I knew her back in Junior High when we used to eat lunch together, and at various times, we pop up in each others lives. The specifics of my relationship with her aren't overly important, so I'll spare you and me the recounting. She's having boy troubles, so I figured worst case scenario I could be there to talk her through things, best case scenario, I'd be that one night stand rebound guy. Anything to have a moment when I feel wanted.
So I go out of my way to go meet up with her, take her to dinner, and treat her and her (female) friend to a nice meal. I'm not sure when exactly things went wrong, but about the time that she and her friend were taking turns making out with another (somewhat random) guy, I realized my mistake in hoping to be anything more than a fly on the wall of someone else's happy evening.
I need to officially make a decision I'm not going to the Grand Canyon this summer. I'm sick of travelling and going out of my way to be with people only to go home rejected and more alone than ever before. I'd rather stay at home and feel like a loser than go to great lengths to have my feelings of loserness proven true. I'd like to imagine that the *next* time, it will be different, but "I have not hope nor cause to believe this true."