|added Mon March 29 2004 at 10:33 PM
In the short twenty years that I've been alive, I've met thousands of people. I've known thousands. I've had hundreds of friends. Most of these people have come and gone from my life, leaving dim memories of days past. I assume this is the way it is for most people. Every so often, however, someone comes along that really makes an impact in my life. Today I celebrate these special people.
-Jo-Pete Nelson, 03-27-2004
I should've made an entry a couple days ago, but I just haven't really been in a writing mood.
So Saturday was Carrie's birthday. Like last year, I bought a bunch of flowers and gave them out, each with a personalized note to the girl. I didn't quite figure out twenty people, but I guess 18 is good enough. I had plenty of roses left over, but they started dying yesterday. I took the rose petals and spread them in front of Merry's and Geneil's back door. I also made a trail with a few of themfrom their door to mine. They never noticed the trail, but that's okay.
On Sunday when I pointed out that the roses were dying, Merry mentioned that I should've given them out earlier. She said something about that I should celebrate my good relationships every day, and not just on Carrie's birthday. I agree with her, but sometimes the day is significant. For example, I gave away roses just two weeks ago... This wasn't just an exercise in making other people happy (although it was that, too), it was a commemoration.
For commemorations, dates do matter.
-In loving memory of Carrie Lynn Bruce, March 1984 - December 2001.
|added Mon March 29 2004 at 11:12 PM
|As I said earlier, I left personalized notes with each of the roses I gave out. The general theme of the notes is to tell each girl that she is a wonderful person. I make an effort to not ever say anything not completely true. This isn't an opportunity to flirt or exaggerate. The entire purpose is to be very open and honest and tell people how I feel.
Of course, the downside to making that kind of commitment is that sometimes I have to say things that I otherwise wouldn't. Specifically, I told Geneil that I like her, in just that many words. I'll admit that a part of me wanted her to read that note and immediately confess that she was equally interested in me. the realist in me hoped for something different, though... I was just hoping that she wouldn't get scared and run away.
I have to run a narrow line between emphasizing my interest too much and trying to downplay it. I like her. Quite a lot.I really do wish that she would be interested, because I would like to spend a lot more time with her than I do. On the other hand, I guess I've learned that there's no point in obsessing over a girl. It never helps, and it usually hurts. In the end, it's up to her... if she wants to take it further, I'd be thrilled, but if she has no interest, I'm totally understanding, as long as she doesn't start avoiding me because of my now expressed interest.
She's hard to read... The extreme cases would've been easy to see. I've given her a couple chances to be alone with me if that's what she wanted. She didn't take the chance. On the other hand, she still seemed friendly. Maybe just a little bit more distant than normal, but that could be me reading what I expect to happen as much as her giving me the cold shoulder.
In the end, I guess that only time can tell. It's still possible that there is some returned interest. She's not a fast mover, which I guess is one of the good things about her. And I do think that she's worth patience, if that's really what it takes. On the other hand, I probably should go with my gut reaction that she probably isn't going to be interested, despite my best hopes. If nothing else, that saves my heart from the almost inevitable breaking.