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    Awkward  echo $newRAM;
    added Sat March 20 2004 at 9:05 PM
    I guess the bottom line is that I don't find myself attracted to her. She's a great girl, and I like talking with her and everything, but she's very awkward. I know that perhaps a large part of it is that she's worried about saying the wrong thing around me. She doesn't want to mess up. Ironic, really, that one of her biggest mistakes is being worried about making a mistake.

    I wish that I could put my lack of interest on a single thing. I don't think I'm just being shallow. I really don't think that my lack of interest is based on her not being as attractive as other girls. I have been interested in more homely girls before, according to some people. And it's not just her lack of social skills. I've been interested in girls with less social skills. I guess a large part is that I can take one or the other, but not both. Call me shallow, but maybe a girl needs to be cute if she's shy, and needs to be outgoing if she's not specifically cute. Hopefully I won't be called a male pig for saying that I don't find this young lady to be especially and specifically attractive.

    My lack of interest isn't because of other girls, either. I am currently interested in a specific girl, but that rarely prevents me from possibly being interested in another girl. In fact, I can think of at least four girls that I would be more than willing to date right now, even though I am most interested in dating the one.

    I still feel bad, though. I don't want to lead her on and make her think that I'm returning interest, because at some point I'd have to back out of that scenario. I also don't want to make her hate me, because I don't like being the bad guy. Who knows, maybe I'm trying to rub my ego a little bit too, and it feels good to have a girl interested in me for a change. I think it's really because I need as many friends as I can get, and she definitely willing to be my friend. The awkwardness is that she seems more interested, and I don't.