|added Sun February 01 2004 at 7:30 PM
|I met Amelia the very first week I was at BYU. We were in a "Late Summer Honors" program together, and we ended up having an honors Civ class the next semester. I liked talking with her and, coincidentally, I liked her. Okay, I'll admit that I fall for girls too easily, but she really was a great girl. As is the story of my life, I don't think she ever had the slightest interest in me. I made it a point, however, to try and just be a good guy to talk to. My freshman year I really didn't have that many friends, especially the first semester (not that I have an *abundance* now or anything), so I guess she became special to me, at least in memory.
I really shouldn't talk so much in the past tense... it makes it sound like she's dead now or something. Quite the opposite, I ran into her today, I was just giving a little bit of background.
I ended up going to the CES fireside alone tonite, so I was able to just walk down and take a seat in the very front. There's always one or two seats open at the front, so if you aren't trying to sit next to someone, then you can get a good spot. I sat down and took a look around and I spotted her about 10 seats over to my right. It was about to start, so I just smiled and waved (and she smiled and waved back). Over the course of the next hour, I worked up enough courage to go talk to her after the meeting was over.
Right at the outset, it felt kinda awkward. I don't know if it's because it had been so long since we've actually talked at all, or because she was trying to send out signals. Either way, the small talk was very small, and painfully drawn out. I knew, however, that I'd be very upset with myself if I didn't at least try to arrange a meeting sometime later.
I should've thought. I should've thought to ask about if she was dating someone. I guess that I saw her there alone, so I figured that she must be single. Somehow I managed to get a sentence out something to the effect of asking her to dinner sometime, and her reply was rather short... "I'm dating someone."
If I thought it was awkward before, it was ten times that after those three words. First of all, there's a little voice in the back of my head that says that maybe she made up the boyfriend on the spot to get rid of an obnoxious pest from freshman year. Second, I should've thought to ask about that before diving in. But I didn't.
To add to my misfortune, the crowds weren't moving out very fast, so I turned to walk away, and I couldn't go anywhere. I was trapped and couldn't get away from the painfully obvious fact that I was shot down.
As if I don't have a hard enough time with girls as it is, it's impossible to know if they're even available. But at least I'm not sitting here kicking myself for not trying. They say that having success once makes all the rejections worth it to keep trying. Someday, maybe I'll find out.