|added Tue October 07 2003 at 6:49 PM
|Accept me for who I am. Love me for the real person inside. Don't turn away if I cannot reach. But whatever you do, don't give up hope for me.
I have often thought that purpose in life comes in overcoming challenges, thereby making me stronger, more adept, and more fully prepared for future challenges in this life and the one to come. I am fully aware that my drive to better myself borders and even crosses the line of over-perfectionism. I know that I should love and accept myself for who I am. I know that I am often my own worst enemy, and that I'm too hard on myself. But at least this drive for perfection keeps me moving. It keeps me from accepting "fate" and lying down until death overcomes and brings release.
As I go through life, I know that I am entitled to agency, and I have the opportunity to make choices. What happens, then, when I do not succeed at fulfilling the choices that I make? Should I simply re-evaluate my own personal truths and bend them to make my choice a false image of what my reality is? Or am I entitled to try to live my choices? Yes, I need to accept myself for who and what I am, but should I allow this acceptance to come at the cost of who and what I may someday become?
Often, choices we make dictate that we cannot make certain other choices. If I make a choice to live the way I want to live, and be who I want to be, then I cannot make choices that are in opposition to this choice of life. Which is better for me to choose? Should I choose to be the man I know I want and should be, or should I choose to go through life without pain? Should I choose to accept myself at face value, if I know that I can be worth much more?
Would abandoning my ultimate choices be acceptance of who I am? Or would this be resignation to what I've become?