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    hazy skies (2)  echo $newRAM;
    added Sat September 27 2003 at 12:40 AM
    I'm a little bit more awake this time, so we'll try again... note the fact that I actually cared enough to spell hazy right this time. I love

    Anyway, today was the third day in a row that the skies were brown and reached the ground. I read in the paper yesterday that there is a controlled burn that got out of control and it's filling the valley with smoke. The pattern has been very regular, though... the smoke starts building sometime between 8 and 11 am. I don't know exactly when because every time, I leave and it's just barely starting to get hazy and by noon it is outrageous and disgusting.

    Today it finally started bugging my asthma a bit. Of course, I need to be mindful of my health, as my mom keeps reminding me (love ya mom). So I've been avoiding going outside. Not that it's really been that hard... I've been extremely busy the last couple days.

    I walked out of the TMCB (math building) and the brown air was rather startling. It's kind of funny though... I don't really seem to care as much about the fire as I do at home. At home, if there was a fire within 25 miles, I was freaked out (refer to up in smoke.) Here, the entire valley is filled with smoke, and I checked the newspaper to find out that it is a prescribed burn out of control, but I don't even know how close it is.

    Part of my apethy I attribute to a difference in surroundings. There is not really much chance that a fire would make it to where I live now. The mountainsides are within a mile or two, but somehow it seems so distant from me. At home, the hill right behind my house is a tinderbox, so any fire is a real concern.

    On the other hand, my apathy extends beyond forest fires. At home, I am always interested in the weather. I keep close track of what the lows and highs are, and if there's any chance of rain, and what the totals for rainfall is. Here, I find out that there is a chance of rain when I feel a drop land on me. I find out that it's (relatively) windy when I see the wind whipping people's hair across their face. I don't know what the low is at night, nor what the high is in the morning. If there's a storm, I don't check how many days it's forecasted to stay, nor do I really care. I haven't quite figured it out yet...

    So... tomorrow at about 900 am, I'll find out if the hazy skies return for a fourth day.

    I got the job!  echo $newRAM;
    added Sat September 27 2003 at 1:02 AM
    I've been trying to think of a catchy title for a day and a half now. In the end, I decided that it didn't matter... the only thing that matters is that I got the job!

    Okay... Perhaps I should take a step (or two) back and start over from the very beginning.

    When I first came back to Provo, I immediately started looking for employment. I don't have hardly any money right now, and I've already started falling back onto my credit card. Really, it's not a good feeling at all. Right now, I am the poorest I've ever been in my life, with one exception. Three weeks ago, I was feeling even poorer. It is truly a foreign concept to have to use my credit card because I don't have the cash on me at the moment.

    Anyway... lets skip over that part a little bit. The second place that I looked for a vacancy was at the math lab. I've spent many hours sitting at the math lab working on my (math) homework, and asking for help from the TA's. I've always thought that that job would be great. I've taken enough math that I would definitely be able to help the lower division math classes (anything up to calculus 1 and 2). Other years, though, I didn't need a job. Unfortunately, when I went to check if they had any vacancies, I was told that they did not. So, I kept looking for a job.

    I did find a job with catering, working at football games, but the pay isn't what I was hoping for, and I simply don't have a passion for it (yes, even though there are a lot of girls). For a while, I did telephone surveys for my cousin's company. But I hate calling people on the phone, and the job is 4-5 miles away (or farther... I've never measured the dstance).

    A little over a week ago, someone came into my Ec En 301 class and announced that the math lab was desperately looking for TA's. I was at the Math Lab requesting an application within 30 minutes (I had to wait until class was done).

    The whole application process took quite some effort... I had to get three letters of recommendation, and take a couple tests. Somehow, one of the letters got lost in the campus mail system, so I had to go bug Dr. C again, and hand carry the sealed envelope to the Math Lab. The tests were intentionally written to be difficult, so I didn't feel too great about the second test (the first was algebra and trig... and I nailed it. The second was calculus). The problem wasn't that I didn't know calculus, but rather that there is just *so* much material encompassed in calculus, and I don't like memorizing stuff.

    Yesterday, I went in for the interview. It took the interviewer quite a while to find all my paperwork (it ended up being in her office, even though she thought it was with the secretaries). I waited patiently, and when she finally got settled and looked things over a bit, she looked up and said something along the line that this interview was, of course, not to ask me a bunch of questions, but to let me know that I got the job.

    I got the job!!

    I start working on Monday. I work for them about 11 hours a week right now (because I cannot go over 20 hours between this and the other job), but I can always pick up extra hours by subbing for people. Needless to say, Thursday was the most wonderful day I've had in a while. For the first time in a very long time, I have a job that I can really feel good about. I'm actually excited to start work, not only because of the money, but also because of what it is.

    all choked up  echo $newRAM;
    added Sat September 27 2003 at 9:09 PM
    I used to wonder what that saying meant. All choked up? I mean... ummm. Lame.

    Over the years, either my asthma's gotten worse, or I've become more emotional. I don't want to try to guess which one, because it's not a pretty thought either way.

    But all of a sudden, something in the middle of my chest just squeezes shut. Not completely unlike the panic attacks that I've had before. Then, my eyes start to feel really big, like there's a waterfall trying to get out. And I'm gonna stop the explanation there before I embarass myself. No, I did not cry.

    Just looking over past RandOMnesS entries. Couple of reasons... first, I'm bored and I don't wanna do my homework. Second, Merry mentioned something that she was trying to work her way through all 100 entries. I figured I'd better go through them and make sure that I didn't say anything that she wasn't supposed to read. Nope, there's nothing that she isn't supposed to read, although there is at least one entry that might be tough for her to read, since I don't know if she fully realized why she got that flower.

    The first couple months' worth of entries were entertaining and somewhat reminiscent (I know, my spelling isn't quite right, but I don't really care right now). It wasn't until I started getting into my entries from summer that I got all choked up. It's hard to explain exactly why. A large part of it is because it reminded me of people that are not with me anymore. Correction... it reminded me of people that I'm not with anymore. Either way, through all the horrible struggles of my summer, there were a few people that I'm gonna miss. And they don't ever read this, so they'll never know. Maybe they don't care, and maybe I won't be able to tell them later.

    Take a couple deep breaths, say a prayer of thanks for the memories, and one of comfort and the ability to forget.