|added Sat June 28 2003 at 2:52 AM
|Going in to work not happy. Already depressed by life's prospects, nothing to look forward to. The thought of having to work another day at such a worthless job is enough to make a person sick. And it doens't get any better from there. Just worse.
Put on a happy face for everybody else, at least at first. Joking around, singing stupid songs, just hanging out trying to make the time pass by quickly. The facade doesn't last very long, though. After a couple hours of such cheerful pretending, the boundaries between clarity and insanity begin to blur. Slowly, otherwise insignificant things start to bother, and the more annoying things start to thoroughly irritate. It wasn't the worst rush ever, but it was starting to feel like there was no end. Finally catch up and get a moment to breath, and one of the cooks leaves to do other duties, leaving just two. Naturally, the short hiatus is cut even shorter by a large number of orders.
Temper starts to flare, burning out of control. First the angry words at the unseen customers who persist in their unceasing ordering habits. A blow to the printer momentarily satisfies a primal urge to forcefully stop the insanity, but sends two people scrambling to fix it. Drop a utensil, pick it up and launch it into the dish room, causing a few stray dishes to clatter to the floor. More unkind words about the food establishment, and the surrounding workers are all somewhat on edge in anticipation of the fast approaching break down. Fling sauce at the next crust on the line, splattering the innocent bystanders and throw the scoop to the floor. Quickly walk to the back door and escape into the free air.
A few hours later, Josh showed back up a little less angry and a little more drunk. He came back long enough to clean up a little bit of the mess that he made when he was throwing things around and to briefly assist me in getting things started to close down. Of course, I do not condone his actions; he got way too carried away with his anger. Supposedly this isn't the first time that he's walked out, but I don't believe that he'll be working any more. On the other hand, I can certainly understand the frustration and anger. I picked up my paycheck today. For two weeks of about 20 hours each week, I got a little of $150. Definitely not worth it. The one saving grace has been the easily accessible free food, but I'm allergic to cheese... I can't eat the pizzas that are made by mistake, leaving me with the company sanctioned daily meal. All in all, it's simply not worth the prospect of such a dead end job. It wasn't me who broke down tonite, but it easily could have been.
The worst part of it is that there isn't any alternative at the moment. Every time that I think I might be able to get a job somewhere, it all falls apart and the opportunity slips through my fingers. Hours and hours spent chasing every hope found in the want ads. Employers excited at my application, until one thing or another either disqualifies me from the employment or another person is barely chosen over me. Does it even help to try? Does the heartache and disappointment get swallowed up in the end? Or am I going to break down?