|added Sat May 03 2003 at 12:02 AM
|Fighting against all odds, finally getting home much later than anticipated. For what? Nothing, nothing at all.
What have I here? I know my parents and family care for me a great deal, but my parents have never specifically asked me to come home. They'll allow me to stay for as long as it takes, I'm sure. But they've trained me well. I don't want to stay here too long. I need to be on my own, living my life. But what is my life? Nothing, nothing at all.
Where can I go? I need to find work. I need to find a reason to keep waking up in the mornings. I need to keep going.
What do you do when you have nothing, nothing at all? There is no reason for me to stay in the same state, even the same country. I go where the money is. But what is there at home? I spose I'll probably end up returning to the same summer job I had before. It's not disgraceful, but it's also not promising. It's money, but beyond that, it's nothing, nothing at all.
I fight to keep my sanity. I have been told by many people, in many places, on many occasions that I have great potential, and show great potential. But most of the time, I have the hardest time not believing I am what I have. Nothing, nothing at all.
But fight I must. Continue fighting for sanity, for clarity, for peace, for wholeness. In the end, I must be something. Or nothing, nothing at all. The destination is not determined by the arrival- it's the struggle that will count in the end, methinks. And as long as I have the will to struggle, I can be something.