|added Sat April 12 2003 at 11:19 AM
|Sometimes, no matter how seemingly important the event is in your life, you simply canít remember it. I donít actually remember being baptized. Ironically, the closest I can remember is me talking to my dad in the changing room. I donít know if it was before or after, nor do I know what it was we talked about. In any case, I donít remember standing in the water, and I also donít remember their hands on my head as the confirmed me a member of the church. But these things happened. I know they did.
Even more amazingly, I donít really remember my first kiss. Oh, I remember everything before and everything after. My head was pounding; my heart was racing. Other way around. My head was racing; my heart was pounding. And I committed to myself that I would stand my ground and do it. But Iíd made that commitment before, to no avail. Weíd stood on that bridge for probably fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes. And still, I didnít do it. Until suddenly, she was whispering in my ear that Iíd finally done it. And we stood on the bridge a while longer, just holding each other close. The soft, gentle kiss was a dream of days and years gone by. Iíd had the dream before. She wasnít in the dreams previously, but here she was, stealing the spotlight of the dream. It wasnít hard to piece together what had happened. It had been real.
Despite the certain reality, it was harder to convince myself that it hadnít been a dream. After all, the times that it had seemed real, it had been a dream. Why would life seem less real than dreams? As we walked home, I consciously knew that weíd kissed, but I couldnít prove it to myself. Somehow in my dreams, Iíd always been able to prove the realness.
Simple solution to a complex problem. As we stood on her porch, I kissed her again. This time, I could prove that it had all been real. She responded so easily, almost like it was a natural thing to do. It was obvious that it had happened once before. Of course, as luck would have it, I couldnít totally remember that one, either. I had no idea how it really worked, in real life application. Me being the scientific mind that I am, I decided I would need to know how to approach later. I might as well kiss her while she was in the mood for it. So, I kissed her a third time, for memoryís sake. And sweet memories they are. Some things, however, you simply canít remember.