[544]=>Good morning
 [543]=>You know the fee...
 [542]=>Date more, care ...
 [541]=>Moving On



October 2019
sun mon tue wed thu fri sat
    1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31    


 [RAndoMness]=> 28Sep09
 [JPsDocs] => 22Feb09
 [JPics] => 10Dec11

recent music
Boycott SONY


  getentry(257); getentry(259);

I like you
added Thu June 03 2004 at 11:41 PM
Why does the phrase "I like you" ever have to be followed by "but"?

I've been thinking about talking about the whole situation for a couple weeks, but I've been curious to see where it goes before I specifically tell the world. So now, I'll give the fifty cent version so that we're on the same page.

Our meeting was completely random, and totally unexpected. Somehow, her computer was automatically signing her into Merry's MSN. We started talking trying to figure out what was going on, and kept talking cause it was fun talking with each other. Over the course of the next three days, we probably spent about 5 hours talking online. Now that's not an *enormous* amount of time for me to talk with someone onling, cause sometimes Carolyn and I will spend that much time talking to each other, but that's usually when she or I have something on our mind or when we're both bored together.

It turned out that she lived about 2 blocks away. The mystery of how her computer was signing onto Merry's MSN was eventually solved (apparently Merry has a class with her roommate). I spontaneously brought her flowers to work one day (I pretended to be the flower delivery boy, but she pretty much saw through that), and we watched a movie at her place on a saturday night. The next day, we ate dinner together and went to her ward prayer.

For the past two weeks, we've been talking online occasionally, but she's been pretty busy. She went home to SLC last weekend, so I didn't get to see her over the weekend. We decided to get together tonite, we ended up just getting a couple slurpees and going for a walk.

So that's the fifty cent version of who Danny is, and how I met her. We're all up to the same page, and on with today's entry.

I saw it coming from about half a mile away. Literally, we were probably walking for about half a mile before she finally got it out. I knew that she wanted to say something (in fact she specifically said she wanted to say something), but I wasn't going to push it. I was fine talking about everything else, and I'm not a big fan of DTR's (that's BYU talk for Determining the Relationship).. I'll give reasons why not in the bottom portion, when I start the rant portion (we're still in the history purtion).

She asked if this was a date. I asked if she wanted it to be, because honestly, I was fine either way. She said yes, and asked something to the effect of if I wanted to do this more often. I said a firm yes. The next phrase: "I like you" is always better than the normal "I like spending time with you, but don't want you to get the wrong impression" that I've gotten the past few times that this sort of thing has happened. The awkward pause implied that there was a qualifying statement to that "I like you."

I asked what the "but" was. I could think of several, I've heard them often enough (haven't we all?). "But this is moving too fast," "but I have a missionary coming home in only 20 months," and "but I don't want to be in a relationship right now" are just a few classic lines. I suppose I should have been ready for the one that was coming, because it's another big BYU one. "But I only want to have a serious relationship with an RM." My first question was if it was her own standard, or a parental imposed expectation. She was honest and said a little of both, but that it was mostly her decision. That gets a lot more respect from me than girls that only date RM's cause mom said so.

This was followed by the usual round of extolling the virtues of mission service, straight out of the sunday school manual. I'm not offended by it. Okay, maybe a little bit, but I can certainly understand it. Especially at BYU, if you're a guy and don't serve a mission, then that means you either don't live a good life, or don't really care about the church, Either case, it's a really bad idea to start a relationship with you, because we all know that our eternal salvation is at risk (in case you need a notice, the rant has started).

First of all, as I know I've said before, BYU likes to put the marriage before the course. I mean the carriage before the horse. There's a line in "Single's Ward" saying something to the effect that when a Mormon girl is considering a date, eternity is on the line. And it's totally true. There's a very extreme sense of "if I allow myself to go on more than two dates with you, I'm going to end up marrying you." I suppose when seen in the light of short BYU courtships (another issue that I won't talk about tonite), it's a reasonable fear. Except that I'm **not looking for a wife**. Right now, I can honestly say that I'm really just looking for a girl to keep me from being lonely. Holding hands and kissing and stuff would be a nice perk, but I'm not looking to get married.

Of course, there is the concern of why I didn't go on a mission. Naturally, I didn't give her my reasons. My mother knows, my bishop knows, and if somebody's paranoid about getting in a relationship with someone who didn't serve a mission, then they're definitely not close enough to trust with that knowledge. I'd feel the same way if it wasn't something personal. There's obviously not a foundation of trust, so I'm not going to try to excuse myself and explain why I'm not on a mission right now.

This isn't the end yet, though. The manner in which she told me the she didn't date non-RM's hinted at an internal struggle. I'm definitely not setting out to specifically break her resolve (because I've lived in this culture long enough to understand it). On the other hand, I want to be givin a chance. I really do like this girl, and I want to see her more often. I'm not saying that I want to marry her, nor am I insisting that it's all or nothing. As I said already, I just don't want to be alone. I just want someone to take me as I am, yet care enough about me to expect more. "Lift me up, don't let me down. Make me feel like I'm as good as another."

mom says:
The ongoing Mission Issue...I am not really sure it ever gets better. However, I do know men who have not served missions who go on to lead good lives (serving as Bishops in their older years) and who even manage to get married in the BYU setting. Hang in there with her...don't push, but don't beat a hasty retreat. If she doesn't "date" non-RM types...then don't call it dating. Enjoy on another's company and other words tell her you want to enjoy her friendship and will enter in on whatever terms she would like to call it.

If she wants to talk to your mother person, she is welcome...or if she needs parental permission then she can have her mom call to find out if you are a scarey danger to the daughter types.

Remember, you are are a good man with much to give to some woman either now or in the future. Don't let the "culture" get you down.
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM

big sis says:
hang in there jp.... not all girls date only RMs, and not all girls think it's right to do so.... remeber the summer I live with aunt mary and uncle bob in phx and spent the whole summer fighting with them.... that was one of my big fights with them. things will work out in the long run
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM


Allowable HTML:
<a href="">links</a>
Comment guidelines