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Call Mom
added Tue April 06 2004 at 6:54 PM
Yesterday, I had good news, but I was feeling kinda blue. So I called and talked with Mom. I wanted to share the news and needed a bit of a lift.

Today, as you can tell by the four previous entries, I'm a bit disturbed by the results of the student evaluations. So my first thought was "I'm going to go call Mom."

Now, don't get me wrong, I really do love my Mom. Obviously, I do, because otherwise I wouldn't turn to her. It hurt as I realized, though, that it seemed that she was the only one I *could* turn to. My family is the only entity that cares about my accomplishments. My mom's the only one that I can call when I'm feeling sad, lonely, depressed, irritated, or upset about something. And it hurts.

Reality is that if she weren't my mother, if they weren't my family, they'd have no reason to care about me. I understand the importance of family bonds and sticking together, but if there wasn't that blood connection, then they wouldn't care any more than anybody else. That's fine in and of itself, because reality is that there is that family bond and they do care. The problem is that it means nothing when I'm feeling down about myself, because their care and concern has nothing to do with me as a person. I have nobody that *chooses* to be there for me for no other reason than because I'm me.

Yes, I know that part of the reason I feel like that is because I have a horrible "love life," but even besides that, aren't people supposed to have close friends to lift them up and keep them going? Why is it that I'm always there for others when they are feeling bad, or when they're hungry, or tired of life, or whatever, but nobody comes to me when my life sucks? I feel so empty and used up. So used and emptied up.

I guess I'll go call Mom.


friend (big sis) says:
I would like you even if you weren't my brother, maybe I wouldn't when you were younger but you turned into a really cool guy, and supper sweet, so I know I'm your sister but I'm also your friend, I got to meet you becuase I'm related, but I like you becuase you are you, and I understand the down sides, and the depresion cause I've been there too.... I might not be as cool as mom, cause there's something magic about calling and talking to mom, but you can call me too and I can promise not to be too much of a sister
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM

nubia says:
jp---you of all people should know that i am here when you need someone. you don't come to me when i'm down. i go to you. b/c i know things will feel a little bit better. i am here. there's a reason i come to see you, and it's not just for food. :p just remember that.
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM

mom says:
You can call me anytime...if only to play phone tag! :-) I don't put up with you because of blood (you know me and blood issues!)...I care about you as a person and love the person that you have developed into. I am very pleased with the adults persons my children have become and enjoy talking with them and knowing what they are up to and doing in their lives. (the frustrations as well as the excitements)

It is hard to reach out to the friends around you, but be aware that they are there if you can take the chance and let them know that you need them too. Sometimes that is what they are waiting for...for someone to need them as well as being there for them to lean on.
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM


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