print_r($recent);

Array
(
 [545]=>Collections
 [544]=>Good morning
 [543]=>You know the fee...
 [542]=>Date more, care ...
 [541]=>Moving On
)

 

RAMCal(date('my'));

March 2003
sun mon tue wed thu fri sat
            1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30 31          
archives(RAM);


print_r($newStuff);

Array
(
 [RAndoMness]=> 28Sep09
 [JPsDocs] => 22Feb09
 [JPics] => 10Dec11
 [frontpage]
 [FeedBack]
)

recent music
Boycott SONY

print_r($background);
Array
(
 [today]=>
 [past]=>backgrounds
)


getentries(04Dec02);   getentries(04Dec02);

printentries(27Mar03);

broken
added Thu March 27 2003 at 11:10 PM
0 comments
When I was done talking, I just needed to get away from everything. I had just found out that some of my supposed "friends" had actually been lying to me and stabbing me in the back the entire time. So I grabbed a cd player and set out on my rollerblades. As I left, I fully intended to keep skating until the morning came, or until I had nowhere left to go. The cold night beat against me, driving me back to where I came from. But I kept going. As I listened to the angry music, I cried out in my mind, wondering what was going to become of me. All of a sudden, all my friendships were thrown into question, as I wondered if everybody was lying to me. Who was on my side? Who was left? What did I have in the world?

I made it half way to Orem... not very far in reality, considering I've skated to Orem several times. As I slowly crawled up the hill, the fear and the hate and the cold wind and the light snow all intensified. And then the music stopped. And I stopped. And I cried. And I was broken.

As I coasted back down that hill I had previously been battling, I cried, and I prayed, and I wallowed in the depths of despair. Slowly, I went home, and slowly, my breaking turned into submission. And slowly, I started to forgive the world, and slowly, I started to see with new eyes.

Am I still as humble as I was last night? Not hardly. But at least now, I can see a little clearer. Am I any happier today? Maybe a little, but at least now, I can feel like happiness might come back.

-JP

19
added Thu March 27 2003 at 11:38 PM
0 comments

19 years. 19 years.

She would've turned 19 today (yesterday now, but today was less than an hour ago). And so I celebrated her birthday. Needless to say, thoughts of her didn't help my state of mind last night, but today, thoughts of her were sweet memories.

I called my mom last night and arranged for two roses to be delivered: one to her mother, one to her sister. One for each birthday she's missed.

Today, I bought flowers. 17 flowers... the cheap kind, 50 cents apiece (except the one daisy, but that was because Erin loves daisies so much). Not because she wasn't worth a lot of money, but she would've been happier knowing that I was staying within my budget.

I wrote 16 notes. Each note was individual, some of them saying thank you, some of them saying sorry. the 17th flower I gave to a girl on the bus. The flowers caught her attention. She asked if they were for a girl. I told her it was for a birthday, and I gave her one as I stepped off the bus. Hopefully it made her day a little brigther.

That was the point of all 19... She would've liked to know that 19 different people got a little bit of joy. Okay, maybe only 18 people got a bit of joy: one of the notes was an apology sent partially to let some people know that I didn't appreciate their games (I honestly was apologizing for my ill will toward them, but I also knew that they wouldn't want to hear about it).

19. 19 flowers.

Happy Birthday, Carrie. We love you, we miss you.