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Good Date-University Chorale Comfort Zone assignment #2
Jo-Pete Nelson

My roommates think I date a lot, and they're right. I have no problem calling one of my friends and asking if they want to go do something. This is great fun and strengthens friendships, but it doesn't help me get to know new people. This becomes a problem as my friends slowly move away over time. A lot of times, I meet a girl I would like to know better, but I am always at a loss as to how to do this. I know that this is why a lot of guys and girls go on dates, but I'm always afraid that they will think too much or not enough of my invitations. What if they think I'm interested in them, and I'm not? What if I'm interested in them, and they don't realize it?

Usually, I struggle with my dilemma until it's too late to call the girl. Then, I'll say "maybe next time" and the problem repeats the next time. I think that over the past few years, I've missed out on getting to know a lot of great girls because of my limited comfort zone. My fears don't result from a fear of being with the girl, or even that she'll reject me. I've had plenty of practice with both. My fears are in asking her. At some point, I have to decide an activity, call her, and ask her, without prompt from her. After that point, the die is cast, and the evening goes how it will, but before that point, she will never know if I chicken out.

Friday night was no exception to my norm. I was in the process of convincing myself to call or not call a specific girl. I happened to be talking with my mom on the computer, and mentioned that I wanted to ask this girl. She encouraged me to do so, and countered all my self-imposed defenses ("What if she has a boyfriend?", "What if she says no, how will I know if it's because she's busy, or avoiding me?", etc). As I talked with my mother, I realized that this was one of those comfort zone issues that I just needed to get over. So I called her...

...You seem to want to know the response. She said yes, but that's not the important part. I had a wonderful time with her, I enjoyed the movie we saw, I liked talking with her. That's not even the important part. I'll admit that I am (very) interested in seeing more of this girl, but my life won't end if she never says yes again. The important lesson was the expansion in my comfort zone and the impact that this expansion can have on my life. uploaded Mon March 22 2004 at 10:55 PM
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mom says:
Comfort zones are there for just that...comfort. When they begin to feel restrictive or cause cramping of what one wants to do, well then it is time to expand. Expanding can be painful...and can cause embarrassment...but the only way we grow is thru expanding out of one comfort zone into another.

But, it is easier to tell someone else to grow that it is to cause self inflicted growing pains on oneself. ;-)
posted Sat September 23 2006 at 1:58 PM


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