|She was having boy troubles; I was having girl troubles.
But then, sheís always having boy troubles, and Iím always having girl troubles. So I guess that works out just fine for the two of us. When she first asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I assumed she just knew that I wanted to talk about my troubles, and I was amazed at first that she would specifically want to hear them. Of course, when we actually started talking, her troubles came up about as much as mine.
So we walked. And we talked.
Three hours, about 4 or 5 miles, a visit to Temple Hill, a trip to Maeser hill, and exactly one lull in the conversation later, she had finally become tired enough to overcome the anxieties in her life. The count on the conversation lull is exact because she has a habit of pointing out any time a conversation dies. But that one time didnít really count, because it was more like a breath than a stop: she declared it a lull about two seconds after I stopped talking.
In three hours, so much can be said. Thankfully, not all of it was serious conversation. We spent a fair amount of time joking with each other, teasing back and forth. Thankfully, not all of it was flippant conversation. We spent a fair amount of time expressing our worries and our desires, our concerns and our wants.
I saw beneath the surface for a few hours. Layer by layer, she took off her various disguises and revealed herself to me. She saw inside me for a few hours. Inch by inch, I opened up and showed her my deepest fears. Thatís not to say that the exposed truth was all new to either one of us. I recognized many of her disguises as masks that Iíve used myself a few times: insecurities hidden behind a cool, calm, collected, cocky front. Iím sure sheíd seen some of my fears before: unspeakable things that she, too, spoke of. Her insecurities will remain, because sheís human, and humans have insecurities. My fears will remain, because Iím mortal, and mortals have fears. Sheís mortal, and Iím human, so we can relate.
I donít know if either one of us had earth-shattering revelations during those three hours. We spoke what was on our mind, so we had obviously already realized much of what we were saying. But the feelings became more organized as they were handled by the other party, formed into real thoughts, and handed back as kind suggestions. I couldnít possibly have removed all her insecurities, but I broke through one or two. She couldnít possibly have reassured all my fears, but she helped me see that it will all be okay.
Itís a good thing that we didnít spend the whole time talking about our current relationship troubles. These issues may have been the final factor leading to the walk, but they werenít the only things- nor, in reality, were they the most important things- that we needed to get off our mind.
But she was having boy troubles; I was having girl troubles. So we walked. And we talked.
uploaded Wed March 26 2003 at 11:37 AM
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