|-University Chorale Comfort Zone assignment #2
My roommates think I date a lot, and they're right. I have no problem calling one of my friends and asking if they want to go do something. This is great fun and strengthens friendships, but it doesn't help me get to know new people. This becomes a problem as my friends slowly move away over time. A lot of times, I meet a girl I would like to know better, but I am always at a loss as to how to do this. I know that this is why a lot of guys and girls go on dates, but I'm always afraid that they will think too much or not enough of my invitations. What if they think I'm interested in them, and I'm not? What if I'm interested in them, and they don't realize it?
Usually, I struggle with my dilemma until it's too late to call the girl. Then, I'll say "maybe next time" and the problem repeats the next time. I think that over the past few years, I've missed out on getting to know a lot of great girls because of my limited comfort zone. My fears don't result from a fear of being with the girl, or even that she'll reject me. I've had plenty of practice with both. My fears are in asking her. At some point, I have to decide an activity, call her, and ask her, without prompt from her. After that point, the die is cast, and the evening goes how it will, but before that point, she will never know if I chicken out.
Friday night was no exception to my norm. I was in the process of convincing myself to call or not call a specific girl. I happened to be talking with my mom on the computer, and mentioned that I wanted to ask this girl. She encouraged me to do so, and countered all my self-imposed defenses ("What if she has a boyfriend?", "What if she says no, how will I know if it's because she's busy, or avoiding me?", etc). As I talked with my mother, I realized that this was one of those comfort zone issues that I just needed to get over. So I called her...
There's more to read. Read the extended entry.
uploaded Mon March 22 2004 at 10:55 PM
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